What is Family Constellation?
"Constellation, constellation, constellation. You keep writing about constellation as if everybody knows what you're talking about. To be honest, we have no idea!"
You're right. So, what is Family Constellation?
The word constellation means system or pattern, and is also used to refer to a constellation of planets and stars.
It is a fixed array, in which all stars are in place and move in a fixed, consistent, and predetermined manner. They do not move wherever they want, and there's a certain order to their movement.
Think about it, even though all the planets revolve around the sun, miraculously enough, they never cross trajectories and never collide.
Now imagine a family.
It too has a certain order to it: father, mother, child 1, child 2, child 3, etc.
This is its ordinary lineup, or in my words – this is the family's constellation.
If we were like the stars, then children would revolve around the sun = the parents.
Each in their own orbit and each would be nourished by the sun in exactly the way they need.
Since we are human beings and not celestial objects, that’s not always the case.
Children don't always revolve around the sun. Sometimes the sun revolves around the children.
Children aren’t always nourished by the sun as they should, without crossing orbits with each other.
And sometimes there are children who cover the sun and cast a shadow over their siblings.
Remember the story of Joseph and his brothers? He cast a very large shadow and paid a heavy price for it...
Family Constellation works to restore order to the family, and not in a coerced manner.
I cannot say to a mother: "There, you are the sun, be the sun." There's a reason why she's not.
So I gently help her regain her rightful place.
And when that happens, her children can regain their place as children.
I can't say to a child: "Don’t cast a shadow over your siblings." There's a reason why they do that.
So I gently help them orbit in a way that reinforces them without hurting their siblings.
What is your position in your family's constellation?
Are you the sun?
Are you a shadow-casting planet?
And wouldn’t you like to get all the planets back in their place and orbit?