When the person’s no longer present, and seemingly nothing will affect the relationship between us – only then can the soul contracts be revealed.
That’s what happened to me with my father.
Two questions occupied me about him:
1. Is he a young soul or not? He always felt like a young soul to me, and still, something about it didn’t sit right with me.
2. It was clear to me that his cancer was his soul’s lesson, that it was his choice to experience the cancer again and again and again. But I wondered: How is this connected to me, and what can I learn from it?
Since he passed away, I’ve been receiving more and more information about his previous lives, information that explains his life in this incarnation, and my role in it.
As for my first question, this is the answer I received:
In this incarnation, my father was a person who was very sensitive to the injustices of others, desperately yearning for love and walking around with a strong sense of unworthiness. I experienced him as a lost child.
And even though he was my father, and almost thirty years older than me, it was a challenge for him to get along in this reality.
About a year ago, I wanted to heal something physical that I had at the time, and I did a session for myself with the Akashic records.
In this session some person (I didn’t really see him, only his shadow) had three AmStaffs. When they saw me, they tore from their leashes and attacked me.
The person showed no concern for me. He left me to lie in pain on the road in a pool of my own blood.
A few months ago, I went into the Akashic records again, and they sent me to the same image. This time I recognized the person.
He was the person who in this incarnation is called my father.
The sensitive, helpless, painter and writer was the cold-hearted, uncaring person I saw in a previous incarnation?
The man whose dogs, it seems, caused my death?
It was a mystery to me, but I wholeheartedly believe the images that the records showed me, and even if I didn’t know what to do with it, the image and the knowledge stayed inside me.
It didn’t change my relationship with my father, and the truth is, I didn’t talk to him about it either.
The night before he was buried, my father appeared to me and told me about himself.
He told me that for many incarnations he’d chosen cold-hearted types stories in which he’s the hard character, even a murderer. These were incarnations of strength, of arrogance and emotional inaccessibility, and as a soul he knew that in order to develop, he had to change the incarnations he was going through.
This incarnation was significant in a number of ways:
It offered the experience of what it’s like to be powerless – only through a deep experience of powerlessness can the soul experience purification.
The loss of my father’s brother, for my father’s soul, was an element of atonement for previous incarnations and also the starting point for a life of pain.
In order to understand the consequences and impact of his actions, my father’s soul required a life of pain. This, so that his soul could atone for his actions, and also to become refined and pure so that he could continue to change as a soul and connect to more spiritual and compassionate sides within him.
This message was difficult for me.
It contradicted many things I preferred to believe.
It was difficult for me to accept a choice of having life experiences of evil, and to accept elements of the need for atonement.
But it matched perfectly with what I saw in the Akashic records that one time, and probably the only time, that in any incarnation I had any interaction with a representation of my father’s soul.