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One of the greatest healing experiences I had in a Constellation was when I acted as a representative.

It happened when I was still a student.

One of the students came with her family story, I went into the session to represent her son, and I remember how, while I was representing him, I also understood my mother and my brother on a very deep level.

This happened because my fellow student’s family story about her son was the same as my mother’s story with my brother, and hearing it from her was like hearing my mother talking about my brother.

So, in a single session, I was both the representer of her son and I experienced a deep understanding regarding the same relationship in my family.

   Why was this session so healing for me?

I didn’t speak with my brother, who lives in the US, before the session

A few years earlier, he lied to me and hurt me, and he damaged the trust I had in him.

He hurt me so deeply that even when he apologized and tried to make amends, I was unable to forgive him.

And the truth is, I tried.

I tried to forgive him. I tried to put it behind me, but I just couldn’t. No matter what I did or who I was treated by, I just couldn’t.

I was so angry with him and my anger led me to cut ties with him to such an extent that even when he came to visit Israel with his family, I refused to see him and attend the family get-together.

In the session, I represented the client’s son, who also lives in the US...

And when I stood in front of his mother’s representer, I was her son standing in front of his mother

But suddenly I was also my brother standing in front of my mother.

And without knowing, at that moment in the session, all the anger I felt toward my brother evaporated into thin air.

I still don’t have close contact with him because we drifted apart after years of estrangement and geographical distance.

But when I do see him or talk to him – I feel no anger or resentment toward him.

What was it about that session that freed me from years of anger?

The simple truth is that I don’t really know.

After years of Constellation work, this is my hypothesis:

When I’m a representative for someone else – in one way or another, their story touches on my story.

And when I allow a movement to be created: → understanding → a new point of view → healing in the story of the person I’m being a representer  for – it all happens for me too.

In retrospect, I understand that it wasn’t easy for my mother when my brother immigrated and that there are unspoken issues between them.

I’m the oldest sibling, and I think that as such, I unconsciously took on the issues between my mother and my brother, and I acted on what my mother kept to herself.

That session wasn’t about me at all. And nor was it about my mom and my brother.

The session was about one woman, a woman I didn’t know at all and whose story I was hearing for the first time.

And yet it freed me from carrying my mother and my brother, and it healed my life in a profound way.

That’s the power of the Constellation!


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