"You have to love your sister!!"
"You need to learn how to get along with your brother. He is your brother"
Do you say those words to your children?
"You know," she tells me at our session, "The thing that scares me most about my children being at home a lot is their fighting. They fight all the time. I keep telling them they have to love each other; that it's the most important thing in the world; that there's nothing like a relationship between siblings."
Then she turns silent.
We both sit in silence for a moment.
She has not spoken to her brother for ten years, and the rift in their family is significant.
It hurts her mother; her children feel it, because they have an uncle but he is absent from their life; and as much as she hates to admit it, she feels pain for this as well.
And yes, there is a chance that what happened to her and her brother - will happen to her children too.
Which is something she most definitely doesn't want to happen!
Family Constellation allows to stop intergenerational transmission, so that what happened to you doesn't happen to your children.
Words doesn't make a different. Action does.