I am on a journey, a deep process that I began a few months ago with the aim of dealing with, recognizing, releasing, and changing an old, intense pain that was residing in me and that “suddenly” woke up.
The therapist and I meet for a particularly long session of several hours.
In this session, I am with myself in the depths of my soul, and the therapist “holds the container” and supports me.
Images come up.
It’s me and my sister, many, many lifetimes ago, and she’s my best friend.
She and her parents are leaving.
Since we are both still children, we have to go with our parents, and we promise ourselves that we will never really part.
On the soul level, we really don’t part.
Incarnation after incarnation, we are there for each other, in the name of the vow we made.
And I understand that this is no longer appropriate; that the time has come for this life of ours, in which we are truly sisters, to be our last incarnation together.
It’s not that love isn’t there, it is and always will be.
But this vow, which makes us go through life after life with each other, prevents us from experiencing new things.
Something in me is now tired of this vow.
I want to dissolve this vow, but I realize that I need my sister to do it, because it’s a vow we both made to each other.
It’s impossible for just one of us to dissolve it, because that won’t work.
We’re both scared. We don’t know who we are when we aren’t together.
Also, she’s my biological sister in this incarnation. What would dissolving the vow mean—that we’ll stop talking to each other? That we’ll become disconnected from each other?
I feel the fear intensely.
I don’t know who I am without her. I’ve been with her for ages.
She’s a kind of a resource for me and I’m kind of a resource for her, but I also know it’s time to say goodbye.
And I look inside me for the answer to how to do it in the right way, because it’s not disconnection that I’m asking for, for her and me.
And then I understand.
The vow is depriving us of the right of free choice—to choose to be sisters.
Sisterhood isn’t just about blood, it’s much more than that, and dissolving the vow means that in this incarnation, we will both have the choice to have a relationship with each other; that we can choose our sisterhood and relationship again and again.
Then, in our next lifetime, we’ll be able to take new paths and have new experiences.
I’m amazed by the cleanliness of my soul, by the clarity, the clear thought that is present, and I experience the difficulty in my body: the difficulty in letting go of my sister; the difficulty in dissolving the vow; and my need for it to be mutual.
I see three levels in the soul:
The one who’s showing my and my sister’s spiritual history. (Maybe it’s my guides who are showing me this?)
The one who’s afraid to let go of the known and familiar.
And the one who is living the life here—the emotional and physical body that understands the change that’s required, but that is finding it difficult to implement.
How will dissolving the vow affect the relationship my sister and I share here, in this incarnation?
I don’t know.
We will only be able to find out after we dissolve the vow and release our souls from their commitment to each other.
And maybe, we’ll know only in our next incarnation.